I haven't blogged in FOREVER. I'm really sorry, I am still thinking and praying for all of you who have communicated with me this past year.
Things are really hectic and busy, I think I posted that Husband and I got pregnant and baby number three will likely come exactly 2 years after the discovery and our recovery. 1 year after our vow renewal and baptism. 12 years after being married and 2 years after falling in love. :) This one is a girl and I can't wait to meet her. My official date is Oct 1 but because I am having a repeat C Section it will be a week or two earlier-I'm hoping it will happen on the date of our renewal but I'm nervous it will be schedule for the same date of the discovery. In a sense it would take that day back...but I'd rather it be a different day.
We also moved from our shoebox into a new house. Its beautiful and in a great neighborhood but has some things that need to be fixed before baby comes, so its been hectic. Add to that the fact I blew up my computer- and I'm serious, there was smoke and everything and the fact that my job is so hectic and crazy... we'll blogging time has been very limited.
Anyway, one thing I discovered while packing everything up was that all those yuck emotions and memories of the other and what happened came back to me. This move was the last thing for me to get away from the old memories and worries. The other knew where I lived and I lived with the constant fear in the back of my mind that I would come home one day and find him there waiting. Moving would free me from this, but it also made me aware of it which led to thinking about it which led to feelings of yuck.
I am now unlisted, my address is different and those are the last two things I've been waiting for to stop being fearful. I still have some little worries, the Other threatened to do something drastic in my hometown...soon... so I know as fall approaches I will be thinking of this and will breath a sigh of relief when it doesn't happen. Because I have faith it won't, I have faith God will step in and stop it. I actually pray that the Other has found love and happiness and not just so I don't worry but because I think he could use it as well.
Well, I was kind of all over the place here, sorry. I just wanted to explain my silence.
Things are really hectic and busy, I think I posted that Husband and I got pregnant and baby number three will likely come exactly 2 years after the discovery and our recovery. 1 year after our vow renewal and baptism. 12 years after being married and 2 years after falling in love. :) This one is a girl and I can't wait to meet her. My official date is Oct 1 but because I am having a repeat C Section it will be a week or two earlier-I'm hoping it will happen on the date of our renewal but I'm nervous it will be schedule for the same date of the discovery. In a sense it would take that day back...but I'd rather it be a different day.
We also moved from our shoebox into a new house. Its beautiful and in a great neighborhood but has some things that need to be fixed before baby comes, so its been hectic. Add to that the fact I blew up my computer- and I'm serious, there was smoke and everything and the fact that my job is so hectic and crazy... we'll blogging time has been very limited.
Anyway, one thing I discovered while packing everything up was that all those yuck emotions and memories of the other and what happened came back to me. This move was the last thing for me to get away from the old memories and worries. The other knew where I lived and I lived with the constant fear in the back of my mind that I would come home one day and find him there waiting. Moving would free me from this, but it also made me aware of it which led to thinking about it which led to feelings of yuck.
I am now unlisted, my address is different and those are the last two things I've been waiting for to stop being fearful. I still have some little worries, the Other threatened to do something drastic in my hometown...soon... so I know as fall approaches I will be thinking of this and will breath a sigh of relief when it doesn't happen. Because I have faith it won't, I have faith God will step in and stop it. I actually pray that the Other has found love and happiness and not just so I don't worry but because I think he could use it as well.
Well, I was kind of all over the place here, sorry. I just wanted to explain my silence.
--
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?"
Posts
