Twisted Love of Adultry

We have all experienced pain in our lives. Most of us many many years ago and then again very recently with the discovery or the act of betrayal. But those words that were said, those awful things done to us, many times as children or adolescence, has shaped us. We accepted those messages as our own. We actually believed them, they became a part of our twisted view of ourselves, the world, and God. Some of us vowed to never feel that again.

As a child with no dad, I so longed for a father in my life. And I did have many 'dads'; usually abusive men who came in and out of our lives. My siblings always embraced them quickly. I held back, but I soooooo wanted that Father in my life. So I made a vow. I will never abandon my kids, no matter what. As noble as that may seem on the outside - it just set me up. That vow was to cover the pain in my life and it then put so much pressure and such a high status on my marriage that my marriage now became the most important thing in my life.

And you can't do that. Because my wife is not perfect and any and every failure would break my world view and my vow. Some of you had (or have) a broken heart and vowed to never have that happen again. But by doing so, you are (as our counselor would say) taking your heart offline. By guarding your heart, you are just setting yourself up for failure. You will never experience love with a guarded heart. Of course I am talking about your relationship with other people but the same holds true for God.

36"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38This is the first and greatest commandment. (Matthew 22:36-38 NIV)

We were not meant to live a life of shame, embarrassment, ridicule, denial, hatred, anger or any of the other 1000 emotions that come on this journey we are all on. We are meant to life a life of LOVE. Love to God, not just service, not to 'stop sinning' but a life of love, heartfelt love.

Stop and pray right now - pray for love, Gods love to fill you and your life. Pray that you in turn will choose to love God, even in the midst of the worst time of your life. Pray that you will focus on God's love for you when your mind wants to scream at you and tell you to do things that you shouldn't. Pray that you will live in the moment, no longer a slave to the past or worry about what may or may not come in the future. Pray that you will quiet your mind in order to hear God who lives in your heart. And I can tell you from experience that if you can do this, you will feel peace, love, and freedom that you never dreamed of.

What I've Done

Here is a good song by Linkin Park and the same song covered by Marie Digby

In this farewell
There's no blood
There's no alibi
Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away

What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty

So let mercy come
And wash away

What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

Of what I've done

Start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done

I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done


Of what I've done

First Linkin Park's version:



Then Marie Digby's:

Take This Sinking Boat and Point It Home...

Song from the movie Once. Beautiful.

Falling Slowly




I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Fight, We must Fight!

I hate the modern day notion of God. That God is some weak uncaring being who wants people to go to church and 'turn the other cheek.' Bullshit. Did Jesus turn the other cheek when the Pharasies tried to trap him into saying things that went against certain laws in the Torah? NO! He stood his ground and (verbally) fought them. He would not let them do whatever they want and become a holy mat to be walked on.

John Eldredge, in Way of the Wild Heart, calls the Exodus story one of the saddest in the entire Bible. Lets take a look:

But you were unwilling to go up; you rebelled against the command of the Lord your God. You grumbled in your tents and said, "The Lord hates us; so he brought us out of Egypt to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us. Where can we go? Our brothers have made us lose heart. They say, 'The people are stronger and taller than we are; the cities are large, with walls up to the sky. We even saw the Anakites there.'" Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you [Notice that God does not say comfort, or guide, or help, you; rather God WILL FIGHT FOR YOU!]

as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." In spite of this, you did not trust in the Lord your God . . . Then you replied, "We have sinned against the Lord. We will go up and fight, as the Lord our God commanded us." (Deut. 1:26–41 NIV)

Forty years of wondering the wilderness is a great analogy to our lives. God had delivered his people from Egypt in the most dramatic way possible. He opened up a river to let his people escape then crashed down a wall of water on their enemies. But as triumphant of a victory that was, everyone lost heart when they saw what they were up against next. They would not fight for the promised land and they told themselves it was too much. Doesn't this sound familiar "they are stronger and taller than we" We look at our obstacles and we give up. Then look what happened next :"Israel was thereupon sentenced to wander forty years in the wilderness" (Nu. 14:34).

This is life. If you are unwilling to fight, then you will wonder the wilderness, having lost all heart, unable to find your promised land. God did not create a people to just turn the other cheek or as our society has taught us 'be the bigger person' and not do something drastic. And God is not going to just give you happiness and a life of peace and harmony on a silver platter, you are going to have to fight for it.

God gave us a spirit AND an enemy to fight. So go fight. Fight for what is right. Fight for your spouse your family. Why would you have found love and marriage in your spouse if you were not meant to be together? Why would you be blessed with marriage and only to throw it all away?

The devil is out there to ruin lives. I know for a fact that he tried to ruin mine. He thought that if my wife cheated on me that I would just leave and 'be the bigger person'. I knew that everyone would be fine with me leaving her. Even the Bible says its ok to divorce if your spouse is unfaithful.

But deep down I heard the call. I heard the cry to fight for her, for my family, and yes for myself. For if I had given up that day, I would be in a world of chaos, depression, and regret for most of my life.

If you are going through a betrayal, and very soon after the discovery, I know the things flying around in your head. There are some very very dark thoughts there. Thoughts of suicide, murder, revenge, and hate. Then there are thoughts of doing the right thing. As I was thinking about it, I could feel a wellspring of hope inside me. On that car ride home, while mulling over the decision, I turned to her and she saw that hope in me. She smiled, a deep but unsure of smile and I just turned back to driving, myself not sure what to do. I am so glad that I fought that day. It really has made all the difference in the world for me. I

I say use Joan of Arc's words "In God's name we must fight them!" --Joan of Arc

Where is God during the affair and afterwords?

So long as we imagine it is we who have to look for God, we must often lose heart. But it is the other way about—He is looking for us. - Simon Tugwell

Read that quote, just one more time (for my sake, please ;)

So long as we imagine it is we who have to look for God, we must often lose heart. But it is the other way about—He is looking for us. - Simon Tugwell

Wow, we sit around wondering where is God? Where is God in all of our pain, suffering and why did He let this happen to ME!!! I know, I've been there. I was so there after the discovery of my wife's affair; so angry at God, so angry that the same God who created the heavens, the earth, creatures of every kind and size, and miracles everywhere would let something SO bad, awefull, painful, and heartbreaking to happen to me. I felt betrayed by God. He could have stopped it, He could have put one finger up and it never would have happened.

But there is so much more to the story that I see now. See, God wants us and our hearts. But he wants them unconditionally. He doesn't want to go around and create miracles and bless you, just so you will look up and notice him, and only THEN decide to give him your heart. He wants you but not only because He can do things for you, on demand. See, He is like any other lover looking for the heart of the loved one. We want love at first sight (or miracle) but God wants everlasting love. And He has been looking for it all of your life.

Once I had forgiven my wife for her part in the affair, I was then free to experience Gods love. And I felt it. I mean really felt it in my life. God is an internal God, one of the heart. And we keep looking for God in miracles and the external world. He's there, but not as much as you want Him to be.

See we want, Quid pro quo, tit for tat, something in exchange for something. "I will believe in you, if you .... fill in the blank. God doesn't want that. This isn't McDonalds. "I want one holy life, riches beyond compare, minus the backbreaking work, oh and one giant miracle right now. Then I will believe in you, God. Did you get all that, God?"

He wants us for no other reason than He is who He is. That's all.

Believe me, God wants you and is searching for you. But this world holds so much more than you can see, feel, touch and taste that sometimes we miss most of it. We miss God gently nudging us to do give in and experience the fullness of life. So, know that God wants you and your heart. It really is quite backwards I know, but its there for the taking.

Matt 22:35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment.

In Your Mind

In your mind. In your mind. So much of this battle that we are all on now lies inside your head. That space right between your ears is where most of the problem lies. That much I have learned from this journey.

See, the enemy wants you to linger on the details, hurt, pain, and junk that comes with a betrayal. But that is not what will help you or what God wants. Live in the moment, not in the past.

Lots of people call you every single day wanting you to sign up for long distance or buy a vacation package or donate money to the big police ball, but you don't talk to all of them, do you? Of course not. If you gave every telemarketer who called your house every minute that they wanted to talk to you, you would never get anything done. So you screen calls, you put yourself on the do-not-call list, you tell people very quickly that you don't have the time or money, and you hang up on them.

So, if you do that with your phone, then why not those dumb thoughts that come to you? Huh? Do it. Start screening your mind and when 'those' thoughts come to you, HANG UP! Take control and hang up. Think of something else. Anything else. Focus on the good or your breath. My new technique that I am using right now is just to focus on breathing. At work I can get very distracted. But I have a lot of time where I do somewhat meaningless tasks and I can just zone out. So yesterday I started to just focus on breathing. And it kinda works. I get more relaxed and in a better mood. So give it a try, but most important is to screen out things that want in, that you shouldn't let in.

Try this on for size:
In your mind, in your mind
One foot on Jacob's ladder
And one foot in the fire
And it all goes down in your mind

Living at the bottom of the stairs in your life
Never a smile knocking on your door
The air is blue and so are you
Prehistoric monsters on the floor

Last verse of your last song
And God don't hear dead men
The end of the line is in your mind
And you'll be staying in

In your mind, in your mind
Bone for bone and skin for skin
Eye for eye and tooth for tooth
Heart for heart and soul for soul
Somebody said what is true

Lock it up and close it down
The sound of morning like a dove
High beyond the rattle and roar
Look into the face of love

In your mind, in your mind
One foot on Jacob's ladder
And one foot in the fire
And it all goes down in your mind

In your mind, in your mind
Sunday words are back again
And you'll eat your fun of the middleman's pie
But just a piece you understand
You'll get the rest up in the sky

Praise and glory, wounded angel
Shuffling round the room
Eternity is down the hall
And you sit there bending spoons
In your mind, in your mind
Father, son and holy ghost
Sacrificial drops the pain
On a silver planet cross
Sanctification on a chain

They say redemption draws knives
Storms of silence from above
Stop your ears close your eyes
Try to find the face of love

In your mind, in your mind
One foot on Jacob's ladder
And one foot in the fire
And it all goes down in your mind

If you like it here is a you tube version of the song:

In your mind. In your mind. So much of this battle that we are all on now lies inside your head. That space right between your ears is where most of the problem lies. That much I have learned from this journey.

See, the enemy wants you to linger on the details, hurt, pain, and junk that comes with a betrayal. But that is not what will help you. Yes, you do need to deal with the stuff, but most of the time those thoughts come and you just need to not think about it. You can't spend the next few years reliving the past. Live in the moment, find joy and blessing and God in the here and now.

See, lots of people call you on the phone every single day wanting you to sign up for long distance or buy a vacation package or donate money to the big police ball, but you don't talk to all of them, do you? Of course not. If you gave every telemarketer who called your house every minute that they wanted to talk to you, you would never get anything done. So you screen calls, you put yourself on the do-not-call list, you tell people very quickly that you don't have the time or money, and you hang up on them.

So, if you do that with your phone, then why not those dumb thoughts that come to you? Huh? Do it. Start screening your mind and when 'those' thoughts come to you, HANG UP! Take control and hang up. Think of something else. Anything else. Focus on the good or your breathe.

My new technique that I am using right now is just to focus on breathing. At work I can get very distracted. But I have alot of time where I do somewhat meaningless tasks and I can just zone out. So yesterday I started to just focus on breathing. And so far it kinda works. I get more relaxed and in a better mood. Its easy too; deep breath in and out. So give it a try, but most important is to screen out things that want in, that you shouldn't let in.

I found this last week and I think it fits perfectly:

In your mind, in your mind
One foot on Jacob's ladder
And one foot in the fire
And it all goes down in your mind

Living at the bottom of the stairs in your life
Never a smile knocking on your door
The air is blue and so are you
Prehistoric monsters on the floor

Last verse of your last song
And God don't hear dead men
The end of the line is in your mind
And you'll be staying in

In your mind, in your mind
Bone for bone and skin for skin
Eye for eye and tooth for tooth
Heart for heart and soul for soul
Somebody said what is true

Lock it up and close it down
The sound of morning like a dove
High beyond the rattle and roar
Look into the face of love

In your mind, in your mind
One foot on Jacob's ladder
And one foot in the fire
And it all goes down in your mind

In your mind, in your mind
Sunday words are back again
And you'll eat your fun of the middleman's pie
But just a piece you understand
You'll get the rest up in the sky

Praise and glory, wounded angel
Shuffling round the room
Eternity is down the hall
And you sit there bending spoons
In your mind, in your mind
Father, son and holy ghost
Sacrificial drops the pain
On a silver planet cross
Sanctification on a chain

They say redemption draws knives
Storms of silence from above
Stop your ears close your eyes
Try to find the face of love

In your mind, in your mind
One foot on Jacob's ladder
And one foot in the fire
And it all goes down in your mind

If you like it here is a you tube version of the song: