Should I Kill Myself Over My Adultery?

I don't know about you, but when I saw this search term in my blog stats, I gasped aloud. I thought frantically "Of course you shouldn't kill yourself!" and wondered if there was any way to reach out to the poor soul who thought a Google search might help them decide whether life would be worth living.

This person did happen upon my blog and I can only pray they found some words here to help them decide life was indeed worth living.

But these suicidal thoughts are not a surprise to me. During my moments of discovery I remember clearly staring into the green rocky water...thinking about how I'd have to jump and which spots I could wedge my body between so I couldn't be rescued. I wanted to jump so badly..but I didn't. And of course there was the cutting before that. So, I get it.

But I also know that there is life after an affair. Regardless of whether or not your marriage survives it, there is still life. The Big Bad of an affair will completely throw your life into turmoil. You'll feel alone and scared. Its very raw and it will break you down. But this process of breaking you down gives you the opportunity to rebuild yourself and becomes something new.

You have a chance to start all over again, in a marriage or as a single person learning about yourself all over again. For the still marrieds, this time can be very much like a honeymoon phase, mine indeed was. But I expected it to be a phase and was prepared, as much as I could be, for the outbursts and hurt that still came. But our honeymoon lasted a few months and we spent a lot of time talking, loving and caring for each other. There was a lot of work done and foundation started in those months so when the hard work came we had something stable already started. One thing I'm happiest for is the week Husband and I took off to spend together a few weeks after the discovery. It was just about he and I, something we hadn't had in years, and it made all the difference to our healing.

For the no longer marrieds, it can be a new and exciting time to get to know you. To deconstruct your personality and relationship and really learn what happened and what you want after your your healing process is finished.

Both groups really need some professional help through this. There is nothing like having a guide to lead you through the dark of the forest.

And if you can't afford a guide, then perhaps you'll be able to find some solace here, or in our online message board. Because life is still worth living.