As a child with no dad, I so longed for a father in my life. And I did have many 'dads'; usually abusive men who came in and out of our lives. My siblings always embraced them quickly. I held back, but I soooooo wanted that Father in my life. So I made a vow. I will never abandon my kids, no matter what. As noble as that may seem on the outside - it just set me up. That vow was to cover the pain in my life and it then put so much pressure and such a high status on my marriage that my marriage now became the most important thing in my life.
And you can't do that. Because my wife is not perfect and any and every failure would break my world view and my vow. Some of you had (or have) a broken heart and vowed to never have that happen again. But by doing so, you are (as our counselor would say) taking your heart offline. By guarding your heart, you are just setting yourself up for failure. You will never experience love with a guarded heart. Of course I am talking about your relationship with other people but the same holds true for God.
36"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38This is the first and greatest commandment. (Matthew 22:36-38 NIV)
We were not meant to live a life of shame, embarrassment, ridicule, denial, hatred, anger or any of the other 1000 emotions that come on this journey we are all on. We are meant to life a life of LOVE. Love to God, not just service, not to 'stop sinning' but a life of love, heartfelt love.
Stop and pray right now - pray for love, Gods love to fill you and your life. Pray that you in turn will choose to love God, even in the midst of the worst time of your life. Pray that you will focus on God's love for you when your mind wants to scream at you and tell you to do things that you shouldn't. Pray that you will live in the moment, no longer a slave to the past or worry about what may or may not come in the future. Pray that you will quiet your mind in order to hear God who lives in your heart. And I can tell you from experience that if you can do this, you will feel peace, love, and freedom that you never dreamed of.
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7 comments:
I think I understand what you're saying about having a guarded heart, but the Bible does tell us more than once TO guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23 and 24:12, Malachi 2:16, Phil. 4:7). I believe it's when we aren't guarding our hearts that we cave into the temptations around us--because of our weakness. We'll only get strength from the Lord.
Yes, I agree. For the most part, though we have lived our lives as never experiencing Gods love because we have given our hearts to money, or to family, or to church, or to whatever it is that holds the utmost place in our hearts. And it is those things that we have to guard against.
Instead we need to free ourselves, our old selves dieing to those things and all that's left in us is Gods love.
And yes, our enemy will always be there to take our hearts offline.
Thanks for the comment!
I came across this blog and find it really helpful. I will continue reading it. I had an affair but I haven't told my wife yet. I have talked to a priest and have been reading the Bible. I feel like the scum of the earth. Sometimes I feel like God won't be able to forgive for all the sins I've committed.
Thanks for the comment Reds. I know how you feel. I felt like scum... the truth of my actions seemed to hover above me and threaten to crush.
If you do decide to tell your wife, I would def talk to a counselor beforehand and have someone ready to help you guys work through the process.
feel free to email us any time or to go to the forum and post.
I guess I should add that I don't feel that way now. I'm able to separate what happened, from who I am and who've I've become since then. I still have some moments, but I can fight those off.
I talked to a priest about my situation...I told him I was going to tell my wife, but he asked me why I wanted to tell her? He did advise me to wait a while...It's not the answer I expected, but I have been able to sleep at night since talking to him...I know sinning is not what God wants. I actually managed to end the affair on my own...it didn't last long...my wife doesn't like my parents or family so that adds to the stress and problems in telling her right now. She actually threatened me physically last summer when we were arguing about my parents. I can only hope that God has a plan for me. I understand that he can turn evil into good. I hope he can turn my evil into good. I have been reading the Bible. I am surprised that God could pick someone like David to rule his kingdom, but it gives me hope at the same time. We are all human. We all make mistakes whether we admit them or not.
I'm in agreement with your priest. If your relationship is already very damaged and especially if she is prone to violence-then you really do need to start working on basics before working on the issues of your affair.
I really think you should seek out a therapist, christian or maintstream, for assistance.
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