What I've Done

Here is a good song by Linkin Park and the same song covered by Marie Digby

In this farewell
There's no blood
There's no alibi
Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away

What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty

So let mercy come
And wash away

What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

Of what I've done

Start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving what I've done

I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done


Of what I've done

First Linkin Park's version:



Then Marie Digby's:

Take This Sinking Boat and Point It Home...

Song from the movie Once. Beautiful.

Falling Slowly




I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

In Your Mind

In your mind. In your mind. So much of this battle that we are all on now lies inside your head. That space right between your ears is where most of the problem lies. That much I have learned from this journey.

See, the enemy wants you to linger on the details, hurt, pain, and junk that comes with a betrayal. But that is not what will help you or what God wants. Live in the moment, not in the past.

Lots of people call you every single day wanting you to sign up for long distance or buy a vacation package or donate money to the big police ball, but you don't talk to all of them, do you? Of course not. If you gave every telemarketer who called your house every minute that they wanted to talk to you, you would never get anything done. So you screen calls, you put yourself on the do-not-call list, you tell people very quickly that you don't have the time or money, and you hang up on them.

So, if you do that with your phone, then why not those dumb thoughts that come to you? Huh? Do it. Start screening your mind and when 'those' thoughts come to you, HANG UP! Take control and hang up. Think of something else. Anything else. Focus on the good or your breath. My new technique that I am using right now is just to focus on breathing. At work I can get very distracted. But I have a lot of time where I do somewhat meaningless tasks and I can just zone out. So yesterday I started to just focus on breathing. And it kinda works. I get more relaxed and in a better mood. So give it a try, but most important is to screen out things that want in, that you shouldn't let in.

Try this on for size:
In your mind, in your mind
One foot on Jacob's ladder
And one foot in the fire
And it all goes down in your mind

Living at the bottom of the stairs in your life
Never a smile knocking on your door
The air is blue and so are you
Prehistoric monsters on the floor

Last verse of your last song
And God don't hear dead men
The end of the line is in your mind
And you'll be staying in

In your mind, in your mind
Bone for bone and skin for skin
Eye for eye and tooth for tooth
Heart for heart and soul for soul
Somebody said what is true

Lock it up and close it down
The sound of morning like a dove
High beyond the rattle and roar
Look into the face of love

In your mind, in your mind
One foot on Jacob's ladder
And one foot in the fire
And it all goes down in your mind

In your mind, in your mind
Sunday words are back again
And you'll eat your fun of the middleman's pie
But just a piece you understand
You'll get the rest up in the sky

Praise and glory, wounded angel
Shuffling round the room
Eternity is down the hall
And you sit there bending spoons
In your mind, in your mind
Father, son and holy ghost
Sacrificial drops the pain
On a silver planet cross
Sanctification on a chain

They say redemption draws knives
Storms of silence from above
Stop your ears close your eyes
Try to find the face of love

In your mind, in your mind
One foot on Jacob's ladder
And one foot in the fire
And it all goes down in your mind

If you like it here is a you tube version of the song:

You'll Come Back

More from Regina Spektor, I just heard this song when I watched Prince Caspian. Its really nice. Watch and read the lyrics.

Options

I heard this song today. It reminded me of what my husband must have felt just after deciding that he was going to choose me, stay with me- give it a month he said. See what happens.

The lyrics, I'm not sure if he told her what he says in the beginning, but he thinks it. And they both declare their love with the other believing it mostly. And that is sort of how it is after the recovery. You believe they love you while not being able to believe it, or wondering if it will change. But you both need each other so much that you stay together. The option to leave is there, and maybe for the betrayed spouse they need to keep it there to have some sense of control. Perhaps Husband will take a listen to this song and tell me what he thinks.

Saturday with Regina Spektor

I really like this artist, she has a great voice and her songs have great lyrics.


On the Radio, a song about an affair by Regina Spektor. Actually quite good.



Fidelity, same artist


Samson, by same artist. I listened to this song a lot after the Discovery. I felt like I'd cut Husbands hair, but he kissed me and loved me the same. Its really a beautiful song though.

Maybe Not....

Beautiful Song by Cat Power, when you read the lyrics I think it is amazing. I'll leave it up to your interpretation. And just listen to her voice. Music can be very healing....



Maybe Not: Cat Power

There's a dream that I see, I pray it can be
Look cross the land, shake this land
A wish or a command
I Dream that I see, don?t kill it, it's free
You?re just a man, you get what you can

We all do what we can
So we can do just one more thing
We can all be free
Maybe not in words
Maybe not with a look
But with your mind

Listen to me, don't walk that street
There's always an end to it
Come and be free, you know who I am
We're just living people

We won't have a thing
So we'd got nothing to lose
We can all be free
Maybe not with words
Maybe not with a look
But with your mind

You've got to choose a wish or command
At the turn of the tide, is withering thee
Remember one thing, the dream you can see
Pray to be, shake this land

We all do what we can
So we can do just one more thing
We won't have a thing
So we've got nothing to lose
We can all be free
Maybe not with words
Maybe with a look
But with your mind

But with your mind

Music: Soundtrack for your life

I don't know about you, but I know that music can totally mirror my mood or even change it completely. I remember sitting in church when I was an angsty teen and feeling very mood and unhappy. I was dating a psycho at the time so that is probably why.

Anyway, our church decided to sing the Cat Steven's song, Morning Has Broken, and for some reason it just lifted me up and made me happy. Not so sure why, it just did and frankly I didn't care because it was a relief to not feel like crap.

Music can be like that, a friend to help you process, to pep you up or to commiserate in misery with you. After the Big Bad I had Husband listen to the song Fight Test. That song was really helpful to him when he was feeling down, it spoke about what could have happened and reinforced his feeling of strength and masculinity as a protector of our family.

I had my own songs during this time. We actually created Albums to accompany us through the various stages of our journey. Soulkissing was the first album, then Coming Through the Woods, after that came Outside the Blastzone and now we're ready to move into a new album, I'm not certain what it will be called though.

One of my favorite songs from Soulkissing, which was essentially a mix of sappy love songs, is Sugar High. Great song!

So I recommend anyone going through this sort of experience to create your soundtrack, use it to help you through the hard times. Pick things that speak to you about your feelings and give you a sense of hope. It will help.

And now for...

SUGAR HIGH. Get ready to dance!

God Bless the Broken Road

This is one of the songs that really spoke to Husband and I after our Hilltop recovery. Its a nice song, even though I detest pretty much anything country. The words are great, where is Eddie Vedar when I need him?




Oh, Here's Eddie. M'wah!