My husband made the decision to forgive me before he felt it. He knew that was what he had to do so he made the decision to just do it. So he really had to fight to forgive. And he did it successfully. He has yet to ever throw it in my face what I did, although I often throw it at myself (in my head)-or used to. I've gotten better at not self flagellating.
My husband was so kind and really took care of me, which is so strange and odd. But taking care of me gave him something to do after the discovery, he started to protect me in a way he had never done before, even though he was protecting me from myself and from what I had done. Odd-but I think that purpose helped him.
Just a little thought to throw out there.
How did you forgive? How were you forgiven?
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My husband forgave me. He was angry when the discovery day happened...but he wrapped his arms around me and held me and forgave me after he took some time to cool down. I embraced it at first because the fear of losing him was at the forefront of my brain. I say, at first, because after I took a step back from the whirlwind that was going on in my brain at the significance of my sin I couldn't understand his forgiveness at all. I thought he should've held a grudge or shown some disgust toward me, but he didn't. What happened for me was a realization of how much my husband was mirroring Christ. Jesus saw my sin--as disgusting as it was--and he saw me...and he loved me anyway when I said I was sorry and meant it. I still beat myself up (after 9 years) and think that I should've never been blessed with such grace. It's a tough one to grasp.
Thats the thing about grace, so I understand, that it is just that, undeserved. Not something I ever learned about in church, but apparently my husband understands the concept.
Isn't that the kicker? The ones we wronged forgive us, yet we cannot forgive ourselves or understand it? But its just like a wonderful gift, you just have to accept it, say thank you and make use of it. Maybe use it to help others ;)
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