Constant Vigilance!

Constant Vigilance...the cry of Mad Eye Moody from the Harry Potter series always rings in my head when it comes to thinking about my marriage after the affair. Mad Eye is warning about keeping your awareness of the enemy. In my marriage I am reminding myself that same thing. Distraction is my enemy.

I've been distracted a bit lately. I like to blame a fresh bout of mornings sickness (yes, we went and got knocked up, a few months earlier than we had planned, but we're very happy) and TV. Before recently we had no TV but I got tired of getting no signal on the converter box so we sprung for basic cable. And now, while laying sick on the couch, instead of talking to Husband I am vegging out. Not good.

During this same time I have found myself going back to the dark place of fear and self hatred that I was in before healing from what happened. The thoughts were coming at me more frequently and I felt very attacked. I would actually swear at the thoughts and tell them "shut up you assholes" lol. That works, seriously. Yell or talk to keep those bad thoughts away.

But I know that I'm more vaulnerable to the attacks because I am weak in my relationship. Not that we aren't strong and happy, just that we are both stressed and distracted and have not had any serious one on one time. So I turned off the TV and instead of vegging out on the couch we got into bed and my husband read aloud to me. That was so much more enjoyable.

So-that is my lesson for today. Constant Vigilance! Always look for that enemy in your marriage and then take steps to neutralize it.