Lately I've been having the old yuck thoughts returning to me. The crippling guilt, the worry, the fear that the Other will somehow pop back into my world and turn it upside down. He does know where I live, I seriously can't wait to move just to have that little barrier there.
So I've been struggling and not sure why suddenly this struggle seems harder, why the thoughts are coming more frequently again. After some dissecting these were the things I figured out.
1. We got cable and I have been watching TV more. TV leads to pointless and meaningless distraction. In my defense I have wicked morning sickness all day long, but at night its the worse. And sometimes all I can do is just lay on the couch and moan. I can't help that.
2. I haven't been writing creatively or blogging because of feeling sick and being tired.
I wasn't sure which of these things was the culprit or if I was being stupid and just looking for excuse to explain away my flaw and weakness.
But then on Saturday night I felt pretty decent so I downloaded some tunes and made a play list for the novel I'm working on and really spent some time editing and writing. And I'll tell you what, I felt amazing the whole next day. I realized around 5pm that I hadn't had a single bad thought that whole night.
So my conclusion is, both. The distraction of the mindless television doesn't help my inner thoughts and inner peace or my connection with my husband. And my writing gives me a wonderful creative outlet that allows me to channel a lot of my thoughts and feelings into characters and events.
So what helps you? Do you know? If you don't know what can fight off those yucky demons chasing your thoughts perhaps you should look into doing something expressive and creative. Its a wonderful outlet.
Take it easy and stay strong everyone!
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