What do you do once you've decided to end the affair, or once it has been ended for you? For one thing I think it is of the utmost importance to clean house. And what I mean by that is, if at all possible, disappear and get rid of anything that will remind you of your Other.
First off, what I mean by disappear is this. Do what you can to make it impossible for the Other to contact you and for you to contact them. This means changing phone numbers, email addresses, blocking them from your Facebook/Myspace and your instant messages. And you scour everything you have to get rid of their info. Everything. Just don't leave that window even a little bit cracked.
Secondly, get rid of whatever you can that reminds you of the Other. Clothes, scents, songs, movies-just avoid them. This doesn't mean forever, but definitely during your intial months when you're struggling to over come the discovery and/or the addiction. Once you have come to a place of peace you may be able to go back to these things without having painful memories. I don't think I'd be able to... but thats just me.
Thirdly, take back what you can. And what I mean is, take ownership of things that used to be something you shared with the other-share it with your spouse. Rewrite your old memories and haunts with all new ones. Take back every experience you can and replace it with a new healthy one.
I hope this helps you, I know it helped me.
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