Sadness and Depression

I feel very sad and depressed right now. Part of it has to do with a lot of repressed anger I have. I pretty much have to repress my anger because not doing so would cause strife in the workplace/family. So I just fume, swallow and vent to a friend or husband. But husband is working and I forgot to pay my dumb phone bill so I can't call my friend who lives long distance...and I have no clue where my cell phone is. Hence the silent fuming.

But its starting to poison me a little bit. It makes me angry, sad and easy to frustrate. I have to work even harder not to lash out at the kids and be calm.

And then I live in a shoebox, winter is coming, I have two active boys and I am not looking forward to weekends alone shut in the Shoebox. I feel like a Rat City. In Rat Cities, when they get over crowded they start fighting, then they kill each other, and eventually they start practicing population control through abstinence. I remember this lesson vividly from my college psych classes. They used it to explain part crime and violence in large cities.

I just have to find a way to cope during these next few months-till the 6 months of winter are over. The summer will be bearable, the fall will be fine, and if things go according to plan, we will buy a home and say goodbye to our shoebox.

I really hate living in a shoebox.