An Interesting Study About Why Men Cheat.

This week I read an article about why men cheat, it despelled the age old idea that men cheat for physical/sexual gratification and women are the ones who cheat for emotional reasons. The researcher said almost all of the research was based on the wives reports on their husbands cheating, so they asked the men and here is what they found.

48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.

So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about physical intimacy: Only 8 percent of men said that physical dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity.

That little percentage surprised me. It reminded me of the book I'm reading called Adultery, by Louise DeSalvo. She had this to say, its not completely related, but it still made me think of this. She talks about how she was before she met her husband, wild, passionate, crazy and sexy. Then they got married and she changed, became responsible, made casseroles and cookies and had babies and took care of babies. But she wasn't who he married.

This to me sounds like the story of many women. They throw themselves away to provide and give and care for everyone but themselves. Their essence disappears. She felt this was a factor that contributed to her husband having an affair, but I think this could have just as easily contributed to her having one. Because you start to miss yourself, and when you find someone that you feel sees you-really sees you, and you start feeling like your old self again...well that is the beginning. Or in my unresearched opinion it is.

Now back to the study.

66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair.

40% of cheating men met the other woman at work.

Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife

I found this particularly interesting, and it was also true for me too. My Other wasn't nearly as good looking as Husband. I guess that lends to the whole, "its not about sex" thing.

In most cases, he's cheating to fill an emotional void

Only 6% of cheating men had physical intimacy with a woman after meeting her that same day or night.

Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated.

So, there is time to see the signs. Time for fixing. My hope is that maybe there is some way for me to help stop those who are walking down the path of adultery, if that is possible. Duh, its possible, but the straying party needs to want to stop and in my opinion the part of them that doesn't want to stop is stronger than the voice screaming in their head to stop. But that is why stopping the affair ASAP is like jumping into a cold lake, you just close your eyes, run, and jump-you have to tell the truth. The alternative is much more painful.

SO if you suspect, most likely the offending party will deny it. Maybe not. But just keep asking them what is wrong with your relationship, what can you do to fix things, keep fighting.

And if you feel yourself straying, please see there is something wrong with you, or something wrong with your spouse, or more likely, something wrong with both of you. Make them listen, make them understand in any way you can. Find the old you, find the old them, and put those two together again. That is who came together in the first place.