The Honeymoon

I can't leave the last thing I write about today be the most terrifying moments I experienced. It leaves me a bit uneasy.

After the discovery, and our recovery, all I could do was sleep. I think my body was finally relaxed, not living with the burden of all the lies I had lived since even before our marriage. But also not burdened by the security of our family. I didn't have to have everything on my shoulders anymore. My husband suddenly stepped foward and helped with that yoke.

A few weeks after all of this, Husband and I took a week vacation that we spent just getting to know each other again. Or really, to know each other at all. I say this because my husband changed completely. He became a completely different person than he was before. He was suddenly strong, powerful and a leader in the family. It was so very strange, the changes he underwent. He became so poetic, writing things with words and phrases I didn't know he even knew.

He even began eating things he always professed to not like or be able to tolerate, but now could eat and enjoy. And even intimacy with him was entirely different. Of course that was also very different for me as well, since now I loved him.

Those weeks we took were very important to us. It was like a honeymoon, just spending time basking in each other. We took the kids to daycare for a few days of that time and spent time laying on the deserted beaches and swimming naked in the cool water. We called this time in our recovery -Soulkissing, because we felt very in tuned with each other, very connected and new in our love.

I knew this was a "honeymoon phase" but we never had much of a honeymoon in the beginning and in fact I spent the first year of my marriage crying in the bathroom. So this was much needed and welcomed. And even though those first few weeks were blissful and lovely, I think I was a prepared when the ugly emotions surfaced. I knew they'd come. And we had our therapist to help us work through that patch.

But I think having a honeymoon with only each other to gaze at is so helpful in the healing after the affair. It helped us to have a bit more of a foundation for when the emotional quakes began. We've weathered the quakes and we are living now on stable ground. We have left the blastzone and have moved so far away that we don't see it anymore. Of course we'll always know it is there, but it is no longer sitting on the horizon to remind us every day. It does get easier and better. Thank God for that.