Of Men, Not Mice

In the movie 'Golden Compass', a 12 year old girl, Lyra, finds Iorek, a bear (able to talk and walk) and seeks his help. But he is doing menial jobs in the town and in return the townspeople give him booze. She is sadly disappointed because as you look at this creature, he is huge, mean, scary and muscles to boot. She does what any unafraid 12 year old would do. She tells the truth and calls him out on the carpet.

That's what I'm talking about. Us men need a good talking to.

There are two kinds of men out there. The one's who believe that manhood is dead and find it should be more feminine. These men buy into the popular culture that men should be able to cry and should be compassionate but above all else; the best man out there is the 'nice guy'. Yes, women like 'nice guys' and these men go with the flow. They feel that you are the better man if you can turn away from a fight. Even churches have further this agenda by taking, 'turn the other cheek' to every single situation that they come to. Bullshit.

Then there is the other extreme. Lots of men feel that riding a Harley and swearing and chewing tobacco makes them a man. And to prove it they will show a tough exterior that everyone should fear them. These men are just as bad and fake as the first kind. They don't know what compassion, forgiveness, or love are. These are foreign concepts to them, even though God created us all with emotions, they choose to believe it is best not to have them at all and if so then only anger and rage should come out. Macho-ism is just as far from manhood as feminism is.

I was born into the first scenario. Everyone would tell me that I was such a nice guy and I bought it. I believed that was the way to go. Always do the right thing, be the better man, and of course never, ever fight. Put everyone else first, and turn the other cheek, no matter what.

This is not how to live life. This is not how God wants you to life. He put adventure and risk and a good amount of fighting in every single man on earth. He did it for a reason. We are all at war. Now I know what your thinking, that I must be crazy or just a little out of touch with reality. But you've bared with me so far, so here me out.

(As an aside here, please bear with my talk of God. I'm not trying to preach or evangelize. I am only talking about what I know. And I can not talk about the affair, the discovery, and the beautiful journey that has come because of it and not talk about God. Why? Because He was, and is, there every step of the way. Every time I felt pain, misery, or my heart breaking into pieces, I felt Him and his working, healing, and guiding in my life. This is what I know and this is what I can write about.)

If you believe that God exists, then you have to believe that his counter part exists. If you believe that angels are out there, then, my friend, so are demons. Just as I have felt the awesome presence of God in my life, I have felt the devil and the ruin that he has placed on my wife, my life, and my heart.

I know that the Devil is out there and trying his hardest to bring me down. For if I live a crappy, unhappy, disease filled, injured, broken life, then the better for him. With every catastrophe in my life, the devil hopes that I move one step closer to hell. I am not making this up. Read your bible and show me where the devil is some metaphor. Most of you believe that sin is the only evil out there. And you are wrong.

Jesus cast out a horde of demons from a man, do you think that it was just some school kids story? The Devil himself came and tempted Jesus in the desert. He looked at Jesus in the eye and told him to bow down and worship him and he would give the world to him (Matt 4:1-11). Do you think there was a reason that we find that in the Bible? Yes, the reason is that the Devil is real and out there.

As a man, I firmly believe that you are given a good amount of fighting in you, so that you may defend your family. You will need to stand up some day, as I did and say enough is enough. I've had enough of this crap, and the line in the sand is drawn. From now on we will do everything we can to keep the Devil and his horde out of our family.

On September 17, 2007 I had my life taken from me. The life I knew, and came to hold dear to me, was stripped away from me and the devil was the source behind it. On that forsaken day, I experienced what I call 'the perfect storm' that came against me. I found out on my own that something was terribly wrong with my marriage. I came to learn that day three things: 1, that my wife cheated on me with another man, 2, that she was in love with this man and had been for the past 6 months, and 3, that the woman that I loved, in fact, did not love me and never had loved me, period.

As I sit here and say these words to you, I can not tell you or describe to you what that was like. I am sure that I will remember that day as long as I live and the emotions that I had, but even 10 years from now I would not be able to adequately tell them to you with words. So I will not attempt to. The closest that I can is in this poem, here.

But I know now that the devil was behind every single move and day leading to September 17, 2007.

But then two days later, I realized that I had to fight. If I wanted to leave my wife, I could. Part of me even wanted to. I knew that everyone I knew would be ok with that and support me. I knew that I could take my kids and leave her with part custody and that I could make it all work. I would be the better man and everyone would say that she got what she deserved. I could really be the nice guy here.

But as I thought through that scenario, it meant that I would let this other guy win. It meant that I would have to give up and throw in the towel. I would wave the white flag and say you win.

I was not ready for that. I decided after an emergency counseling session, that I was going to fight. I would fight for me wife, her love, and my family. I did not want my kids to grow up in a broken home and I was not going to let this other guy have the woman whom I married.

So, I took my wife, and told her that I loved her and we were going to do this. And in that moment, I tell you that I felt the presence of God himself. As I decided to fight for the right thing and show mercy, compassion, and the yearning to fight the devil, God rewarded me. He gave me back my wife.

She will better describe what we call 'the hilltop miracle' at some other time. I can say that to this day, I feel the fight in me. I choose no longer to be the nice guy. I drew that line in the sand. I called the other guy up and told him that this was my family and he had no right here. I told him in no plain terms that I was willing to defend my family and he had better get out now.

He emailed her afterwords and said that hopefully, someday we could all be friends. The nice guy in me said, mmm maybe. Then the fighter kicked in. I screamed at him. I told him that even if I were to die tomorrow, that he would never have her. Not as a friend, not as a lover, not as anything, ever. I would do everything in this life and in the next to fight for my wife and my family.

That is what I'm talking about. Now go get your gloves on. Were still at war, and still able to pick up the towel and come out swinging.